Hello hello viewers and welcome to a HappyPariah's sure-fire guide! Today's subject: How to be a Nice Guy and Fail at Love!
Well the first thing you have to realize is that: it's not hard. 98% of Girls and young women have an ingrained view what they want from a lover. They feel that "Nice Guys" are stagnant, that "Nice Guys" will "lie" to them and subdue their own true opinions in order to avoid conflict. A girl or young woman has a subconscious grading scale in their mind that automatically scans a man as he approaches her. If the man doesn't match preconceived notions of "Badass" or "Mysterious" then she instantly writes them off as being "Boring". So, here's what you must do my fine, fish faced friend.
First: Be completely yourself. As a nice guy this should be easy as holding up a world-changing lie for the purpose of prolonging a relationship is already a sentiment you deem much too volatile and not worth the work. So whatever you do, do not act like someone else or someone you think the person might take interest in. Be entirely you. Next, compliment the woman or girl, but do it in a natural way, don't just walk up and say "Hey babe, you're hot." Work it into a conversation and make it flow through your dialogue. Girls don't like to think in relationships. Therefor the blunter you are with your compliments the more they'll understand and immediately flock to you. So be complicated.
Y'know what I can't do this shit anymore, it's way to complicated. Writing a parody article about how to fail at love as a nice guy by having every example of how to act being an actual example of a way to succeed is way too confusing so I'll just degenerate into a rant here.
What the fuck is up with young women and girls these days? Honestly, they are so concerned with "mysterious" men or people they think will make the relationship "fun and exciting" through "spontaneity" that they blind themselves to the people truly worth their time: The Nice Guys. Y'know that saying "Nice Guys Finish Last"? It's fuckin' true in todays society. It appalls me. I've no clue where they get this shit, THIS IS A WORD FOR WORD QUOTE I'VE RECEIVED ON THE TOPIC OF NICE GUYS: "nice guys r... well nice... lol... but their just boring and let the girls they like walk all over them without standing up for themselfs" That quote required several face-desks to erase from my working memory. Basically the point made was that nice guys are nice (no duh fuckwit), but they are boring (...uhm why?), and suck up to their love (no... fucking... duh). I'm frankly astounded by this tomfoolery. I don't understand how nice guys are boring! Is it because they'd prefer a date to follow something like this: a pleasant dinner from a chain restaurant, nothing horribly fancy, but still a quality establishment, followed by a stroll along some attraction of amusement such as: A pier, mall, carnival, etc. Or even a peaceful place where the two could be alone to spend simple time with each other like a beach, or plain, or knoll, or anywhere involving natural beauty and peace, then ending in a heartfelt discussion or in earlier dating stages personal discussion? Is that it? Is that "boring? Would you prefer your date to be: dinner from a fast food restaurant, sitting around their house kissing each other for god knows how long until one of his friends drops by to invite him to some shitty concert which he then invites you to? (That's not to say that physical displays of affection are undesirable, on the contrary, a nice guy's perfect date often includes an extended period of physical contact, just not sucking each others' face for forty minutes, or to say that concerts are not viable date destinations, a band that both parties enjoy could always be a great date). HELP ME TO UNDERSTAND WHY NICE GUYS ARE BORING?
The message of this rant is: Nice Guys, keep doing what you're doing, at about 27 women understand how shallow relationships with "spontaneous" guys are and desperately seek you and your stability out, by then you've got the pick of the litter and have probably already found the girl of your dreams. Girls and Young Women, stop being so idiotic, spontaneity might seem "fun and exciting" but it's really all just the same thing, you need to see Nice Guys for what they really are, the perfect specimens for true, lasting, stable, relationships.
Cheers, HappyPariah
PS. No pictures today because I am lazy and pissed off
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