The First Ever, Pariah's Musing

It's time for the first ever actual Pariah's Musing. I mentioned in my mission statement that I'd do some personal topics for my own sake, and I plan to do this solely for my own sake. I will not archive these musings, so if you want to keep certain ones, be sure to bookmark the page or take note of which day I posted it.

The subject of the first ever Pariah's Musing will be life, and the most difficult stage of it. Many people contest that the most difficult part of someone's life is the middle years, around 30-40, where you are settling your life down, building a family, and beginning your own homestead, I however, throw my lot in with the group that says the most difficult time in a person's life is their late teens, from about 17-24. Why is this? For a few simple reasons. While you are in school, sure it sucks and sure it's restrictive, but you get your time to live. You can truly enjoy everything. Meanwhile, at around the time you graduate from high school you are suddenly bum rushed by all sorts of things. While previously you had just talked about what colleges you are getting into, you are now faced with the realization that this means you will be separated. You are forced away from the people who mean the most to you and thrust into a new environment. Or you are left behind and feel useless, while all of your friends are attending college, you, for one reason or another, are not, and aren't necessarily pressured by your parents, but you feel pressured by your own mind, to find a job, simply so you aren't the only person sitting at home every day. Or you scramble desperately to find what you are truly meant to do in life. Or, you are like me, someone who is stuck in the middle of it all, only somewhat sure what you will aspire to be, yet confronted with the brunt of the whole thing as you observe the lives of the people you treasure most being subjected to these crises. The responsible people in this age zone are scrambling to find their place in the world, trying to carve out their own niche while not losing their sanity to the machinations of the world. When you throw in a disdain for the very society you are being forcibly integrated with, as is the case with me, you get inner turmoil unseen in the heart of any other age group. My views are so radical and unaccepted that my natural instinct is to rebel, however, I NEED to conform and work my way out of the norm, if I'll ever maintain my sanity.

My friend is moving away in a few days. Of course it's not as though I will never see him again, that is the magic of the internet, and he's really only moving all of 45 minutes away. But it's just the simple fact that in the normal workings of the day, every time me and my other friends spend time together, he won't be there. Our quartet has been shaved to a trio. The worst part is that it's only the beginning. In approximately four to six years I plan to have my degree and the job I want the most. In approximately four to six years a friend will be in school learning to become a nurse. In approximately four to six years a friend will be moving to Japan to begin his career as a teacher. In approximately four to six years a friend will be in the Army. I, having the job I've wanted, will be moved to Sweden. We will be scattered across the globe. We won't be able to spend time together at all. All of our light-hearted banter and well meaning quips will be distant memories. Of course we will always have the internet, I cannot begin to thank modern technology enough, but it's simply not the same. Even in a video chat room, we won't be able to sit around the local mall and complain about how boring the area is, we won't be able to sit in a house and realize we forgot the dice for a game of Dungeons and Dragons, only to find some contrived game buried deep within our hard drives to give a test run, we won't be able to see each other face to face. My friend moving marks the beginning of something every tight knit group of friends swears up and down will never happen, we are falling apart. While it's going to happen slowly at first, it will eventually cycle forward almost in the blink of an eye and we'll be separated. While it may seem a lazy thing to say, it is actually difficult to stay in contact over such large distances, especially considering one of us will be in the military. The three civilians will be stuck in radically different time zones. With the smallest difference being something like 8 hours.

However, I will end on a positive note, if a possibly foolishly optimistic one. While all of these things are true, I have actual confidence in my friendship with my friends. I'm not a confident person, I'm a sheepish, timid, submissive person. I rarely take confidence in anything, especially my own personal life. But I am confident that my and my friends have what it takes to keep in contact, because... we have nothing else. Our bonds have been tempered by the closeness we have for each other now.

That's it for the first ever Pariah's Musings.